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I'm not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers.

I pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, "Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. I need an initial investment to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established." The bank manager said to the clerk, "You'd better do what he says, I think he means business."

A man walks into the World Trade Centre and asks if he can buy a Boeing. The clerk he's speaking to is rather puzzled and says, "What on earth makes you think we sell Boeings?" The man replies, "Well, you have one in your window!"

A man is feeling very depressed and so he calls up the Samaritans. He gets through to a call centre in Pakistan and says he's feeling suicidal. On hearing this, they started getting excited and asked if the man knew how to fly a plane.

A reporter was asking Tony Blair several questions at Number 10 Downing Street. The reporter asked, "What proof do you have that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" Blair replied: "We've kept the receipts."

How do you ruin a party? Make George Bush the leader.

Have you heard that flat chested women have a 50% higher suicide rate than women with naturally large breasts? This is no joke, I just wanted to share the awesome news!

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench and one is holding a Christian cross while the other is holding a Star of David. Both are holding out hats to collect money. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is overflowing with coins and notes and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty. A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions here by holding a Star of David." The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says: "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business."

What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? A hundred people who don't do dick.

Why did the chicken cross the hockey field? He heard the referee was blowing fouls.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his sole to Santa.

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb? Into what?


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